Not so mighty fibromite

I’m really discouraged today.  I woke up stiff with a band of pain around my abdomen about kidney height.  And anxious as all hell.  The lists of foods and food categories that are safe and unsafe are spinning around in my head like Dorthy’s twister.

I need to get a grip on myself.

This corn thing is much more overwhelming than the gluten.  How I’m going to go about this is beyond me at the moment…except to say for today, I can eat oatmeal, sweet potato, chicken and veggies.  Basically.  That can be my diet for today.  I don’t think there is anything bad in these things (my oatmeal is GF).  I could probably find many things wrong with the chicken but I’m drawing a line.

And if the truth be told, I ate pepper jack cheese last night like I was flipping off a stranger.  Boldly and aggressively even while knowing it was wrong and I would feel shitty later.  Sigh…

Oh, and get this.  When I was taking tramadol for my fibromyalgia it would work less and less so I’d take more and more.  (any addict will tell you how that works!)  The last couple of years I took 6 pills a day.  And still had pain.  And brain fog up the butt.  This last spring I went slowly off the tramadol and felt tremendously better.  I am still taking the hydrocodone but it works really well and I have little to no side effects.  Except dependency but I can deal with that.

Anyway…….I googled tramadol and guess what the first “inert” ingrediant is?  Cornstarch!  I could not find any evidence of cornstarch in the hydrocodone.

This is crazy…

So all signs point to corn and it’s devil spawn of derivatives.  Last night I went through the cupboard telling Kevin in an increasingly rising voice, “oh god, this has corn in it, this has corn in it, etc, etc.”  Until he suggested I might want to calm down.

Just for today (thank you AA) I know I can eat unprocessed meat (if there is such a thing), vegetables (except nightshades) and fruits (except citrus).  That’s not too complicated, is it?

I’ve gotta laugh or I’m gonna cry…..

Addendum to Ugg..

You know, maybe it would be good to re-read my own blog.  I decided to hit the tag “pain” and read the entries…maybe there was a clear pattern.

Yeah, whatever, because my entry dated the 15th of this month (found here) talks all about the pain I had from tomatoes.  Seriously.

Okay so note to self.  You can NOT eat TOMATOES, Jacki!!!

Geeze.

Ugg…I fibro’d myself

All three kids were here last night for dinner so I wanted to make something special  (and cheap).  So I picked up some beef ribs and decided to make my own bbq-like sauce.  I’ve been doing so well that I got a little cocky thinking I could probably try making a tomato based sauce.  And if it’s done from scratch it would probably be safe.

Wrong.

It tasted okay, nowhere near as sweet and mellow as cheap store bought.  Man, they must have a ton of sugars in theirs.  The kids and Kevin liked it and the ribs were snarfed up in short order.

Then I woke up this morning.  And guess what?  Fibromyalgia…all over.  It’s kinda amazing if it didn’t feel so crappy.  A generous serving of tomato sauce and it causes my whole body to ache and be stiff.

The score is nightshade plants 1, Jacki 0.

At least it was a clear reaction and not one of those vague “I don’t feel too good but that’s about it” reactions.  So…no more tomatoes.  And that should probably go for potatoes and peppers.

Fine with me.  Now all I have to do is work this out of my system.  Ugg.

Cheaters never prosper

Food cheaters, that is.  I didn’t so much cheat as just try something new…a challenge to the Diet Experiment.  Last night we had burritos with homemade salsa.

Tomatoes.

But man that salsa was good.  Ramsey and I made it…she was my little food processor since she can stir tomatoes with a spoon until they give up all their juice.  It was freshly made from chopped tomatoes (red and yellow), chopped green onions, chopped cilantro, olives and green chilis.  Hmmm…chilis, that’s in the nightshade family, too.  To the veggie mix we added cumin, chili powder, sea salt and a little bit of agave.

Nummy.

When I put my burrito together I used rice tortillas, refried beans (from freshly cooked pintos), a little hamburger (that was cooked in more tomato sauce), a little cheddar cheese (dairy), lettuce and salsa.

So really the tally of forbidden foods is more like this:

• Dairy from the cheese
• Tomato from salsa AND hamburger (nightshade plant)
• Green chilis in the salsa (nightshade plant)

This morning I woke up with a groan.  The pain isn’t too bad, probably a 5 out of 10, but it such a familiar and unpleasant feeling.  Body stiffness and general achey-ness.  Not worth it.

As a side note, yesterday I woke up with a rash on my forehead and my scalp is really itchy.  I tried some new “organic” shampoo…it’s probably made out of corn or something.  Did I read the label?  No.   That print is so small.  But I’m not going to use it again.

I have this morning to get my sh*t together because Jacob’s caseworker is coming over at 2:30 to go through his yearly Service Plan.  Ugh…an hour or more talking about what he can’t do.  Not my favorite.

Gotta eat clean today and get myself back on track.  I’m really beginning to think rice might need to go off the list.  Or at least be like soy and eggs where I try not to eat very much but allow little bits through because not to would be an extra level of vigilance that I’m just not ready to attempt.

It’s a learning thing.  But no cheating for today.

Two steps forward and one step back

It started at 4:00 am with the beginnings of a migraine.  And muscle spasms in my neck.  I’ve been pushing it, I know.  For dinner last night I had a stir fry with golden rice.  I think the rice might just be too much carb.  I also started eating gluten free oats which may be giving me some kind of trouble.  Though I ate it again for breakfast before I put that together.

So it’s been one of those migrainey days where I feel punched out.  Sigh…

To lift my spirits this afternoon, I tried out a recipe for Buckwheat Chocolate Chip Cookies from Karina’s Kitchen.  I put in walnuts and pecans along with the Enjoy Life Chocolate Chips. They taste great!  Totally chocolate chippy.  I ate three big cookies while they were still warm.  Nummy.

The Enjoy Life company makes foods gluten free and “free of the eight most common allergens.  They contain NO wheat, dairy, peanuts, tree nuts, egg, soy, fish or shelfish.”  Thank you to them!

So I’m really dragging my butt along today and will keep this short.  It was a crappy day but, as it happens so often, saved by cookies.

I am getting strong

As you might have read, yesterday started out a little funky.  But as I did my stretches and got limbered up for the day, the kinks started to work themselves out.  Oh well, with a little help from my pain pills, too.

Here’s the amazing part…amazing to me anyway…I started to do laundry.  Then I worked in my studio.  In the afternoon I went for a l-o-n-g walk; the kind of walk I used to take before I got sick.  I’ll bet it was a couple of miles.  Miles!  This blows me away.

In the late afternoon I jumped in the van and scooted up to the South side to Huckleberry’s Market.  It’s pretty pricey but they have the biggest health food/specialty food selection.  I wanted something bread-like.  I had made lima beans with pork the day before and Kevin’s bread looked mighty tempting.  I bought japanese mochi and rice tortillas.  I baked up some mochi and ate it with my beans.  Not bad…I could grow to like them more.  Meghan, my only daughter, tried the tortillas.  She pronounced them edible; a little more chewy than wheat tortillas.  That’s actually a pretty good review since she is very selective about what she will eat.

By the end of the day I must have put through about 8 loads of laundry…all folded.  Only my closest friends will know what a shocker this is.

How am I doing today?  Pretty damn good.  I slept well and woke up a bit stiff.  In between my shoulder blades is bothering me but only about a 4 out of 10 which is okay.  My body is sore from the long walk but that’s to be expected because I am 53 and have been sick for 4 years.

So this morning, I got Jacob ready and off to work, ate gluten free oatmeal for breakfast and went to work in the studio.  It’s noon now and I’m ready for a break and a bit of a rest and then back at it.

Another good day.

Something got me yesterday

Not really bad.  But enough to make it into my dreams.  Since I’ve been diagnosed with FM I’ve had nighttime bears clawing me, lions biting me and a host of weird situations reflecting my sleeping pain.  Last night, my dream hips would not work; everywhere I needed to go (urgently) was like walking through thigh high slush.  Fortunately I discovered a way to get around by sliding backwards on my rear dragging my useless legs along.  That part wasn’t too bad as each slide got longer and smoother until it felt like I was flying along…backward.

Anyway…

What got me yesterday?  I had no obviously big deviations from the diet.  In fact, it was my brother’s birthday breakfast and I entered a restaurant for the first time since starting the Diet Experiment.  I studied my options and came up with the idea of eating before I went and just having tea once I got there.  That worked.

But then Jacob and I got in the van to go home and it wouldn’t start.  Argh… Kevin was home and on his way in a matter of minutes.  Leaving Jake and I sitting in a cold car staring at his leftover box.  I knew there was bacon inside…I could smell it.  So I ate it. (I asked politely first…but Jacob is pretty easy.)

We got home and I felt no ill effects from the single bacon strip.  Okay. So far so good, I hoped.

Dinner planning was for a celebration.  Kevin got notice of not one but TWO parts he’s been cast in!  We decided on steaks.  Beef steaks all around and I skipped the potatoes.  Had a green salad with some new dressing.  It was a vinaigrette with basalmic vinegar and it was organic and the ingredients didn’t list anything really bad.  Except “organic sugar” and “organic spices”.  Kinda vague.

So what was it that got me?  Dietary?  Corn in the bacon processing or maybe the nitrites? Something in that dressing…that tasted so sweet?  Or was it mechanical since I’m working on painting three full sized papers; they are on my dining room table (my studio is too messy) and it’s just the wrong height.  I have to bend over just slightly and reach as I paint.

Well…there’s nothing to do today but stretch it out, stay aware and watch my food.  It’s still only about a 5 or 6 out of 10 but I’m greedy these days.  I’ve had so many great days with pain hanging around a 3 that I don’t like going back at all!  So we’ll see how it goes today.

Ugg…popcorn not worth it.

Yes, I succumbed to temptation last night when Kevin made popcorn.

Maybe I was wrong about that really strong reaction I had to corn last time?? I should try it again just to make sure.  That sounds like a good idea!

Well, it wasn’t.  Yuk, I woke up achey, sore, tired and grumpy (the four dwarfs).  Definately NOT worth it.

So this morning I have to focus on clean eating.  I had a delicious “milkshake” for breakfast made from frozen bananas, hemp protein powder and chocolate almond milk.  Okay, maybe I’m not eating super clean…but it should help.  Next up will be a hot bath or shower to loosen things up and wash off the funk.

The house is a mess and it’s going to stay that way for a little while because I finally started a new piece.  And I’m going to work on it all day.  It’s an artist’s book.  I might know what it’s going to be about but not enough to say yet.

So here’s to the big four, Gluten, Corn, Soy and Dairy.  I surrender.

For Pete’s sake

I’ve got a bunch of body pain today.  What???  The most likely candidate is egg since I’ve just reintroduced them and ate three yesterday.  That and the weather is about to change…that usually affects the FM.  But still…geeze.  I’ve been good sticking to the diet but there must be something that’s getting me because I’m having body pain.  It’s still not as bad as before I started The Experiment but not as good as the first few weeks.

Yesterday my sister in law (hi Viki!) pointed out that if I’m sensitive to corn then I have to watch it because there’s corn in a gazillon things.  A quick spin through google confirms this.  Not only corn syrup but corn derivitives are everywhere and called by every name but “corn”.

Great.

I also found out yesterday that my biological father and my paternal uncle both have wheat sensitivity and the uncle has been gluten free for a couple of years.  I guess when he eats any gluten he breaks out in a terrible rash.  Sounds very celiac diseasey to me.  My paternal aunt (the messenger) tries not to eat gluten herself.

Very interesting, don’t you think?

I’m trying to eat clean today.  Had a hemp protein smoothie for breakfast with my one coffee and some herb tea.  Kevin is making his nummy no-tomato chili for the rest of the day.  For dinner last night it was quinoa and diced sweet potatoes fried up in a skillet  with a little tahini and oil.

It was very mediocre.

So no eggs today, no processed foods, just chili and some fruit.  And water.  I should really be drinking more water.  Wish me luck!

What a lousy day

Unfortunately, I don’t seem to be cured of all my various ailments and problems.  How quickly I re-acclimated to NOT being in bad pain all day long.  Now I want more.  This is the story of my life…if it’s good then I want more…now.  And easy.

I don’t know if it’s my cold or the cheese I tried to eat last night or the lousy sleep I had.  Probably all of the above.  From 2 a.m. to 4 a.m. I battled with sleeplessness and restless legs…they drove me crazy.  I finally got up and took a bath as hot as I can stand it.  That usually will stop the leg stuff.  I went to sleep at some point after that.

Also last night, I made some sort of enchilada/chicken/black bean stuff for dinner.  All I could think about was having a nice big top of cheddar cheese melting all over it.  I refrained from eating the tortillas but I don’t think the cheese did me any favors.  By the end of the night I had a big butt ache (yes, you can take that two ways and they are both correct!).

This morning I woke up angry, resentful, exhausted and pissy.  Great.

I know I get this way when I haven’t been working in my studio.  It’s amazing how many ways I can find to avoid making the art I thrive on.  I let piles of crap build up until they morph into an impossible mess where I can’t find anything.  Including the project I was just working on.  I don’t really understand this behavior in myself.

But I sure am sick of it.

And probably pretty sick from it, too.