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Reflections on 10 days

September 12, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments

Ten days out of a life isn’t much.  Just the tiniest speck of mist in an otherwise giant wave.

But still…

Something has changed.  I’ve learned something I will never forget.  One of those things where we will mark time as before this and after this.  Sounds so serious, doesn’t it?  And so dramatic.  But the truth is plain and it is simple.

I’ve changed the way I will eat for the rest of my life.

At least I hope it’s changed.  I just cannot get over the difference in my fibromyalgia since I’ve restricted my diet.  Don’t get me wrong, I still have it.  Fibro, I mean. I’ve got some pain this morning, probably due to me slicing up 5 frozen pork chops last night.  That’s a lot of work for my bad arm.  I took half a pain pill and I’m popping right along.  It’s such a huge difference.

(Spoiler alert!! I’m going to say something really depressing about fibromyalgia in the next paragraph so if you are newly diagnosed or in a down mood just skip it, okay?)

One thing about FM (for me) is that most treatments stop working.  Pain medicines will work for a while and then you build a tolerance or your brain makes more pain receptors or something.  It’s the biggest drawback to the pharmacutical approach.  I’m no purist…I’m still on many meds to help with my FM, headaches, sleep and depression.  It’s just that the pain finds a way to get over, under, around and through.  And I’ve found it hard to bear.

All I have done is stopped eating some foods and start eating others.  That’s not too hard.  I’m totally not about “going without”.  I’ve got NO will power.  If anything, I’ve been eating better since the dietary change because I have to think about what I’m eating and I have to make good foods a priority.

My body feels better.  My mind feels better.  I am starting to peek out from under this huge stone and look toward the horizon.  Will I get better enough to knit again?  Will I get strong enough to take care of my grandchildren when they arrive?  Can I think things through good enough to make sense out of the financial morass we are in?  These are big thoughts coming from the brain that spent 3 days crying because it felt too complicated to use the phone.  The regular phone!

And these are my thoughts when Kevin and Jacob get a subway sandwich and chow it down.  Am I tempted?  Trade this for a sandwich???  No.

That’s not willpower…that’s just survival.

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